The Privilege of Ageing "Naturally"
As we continue to fight against social beauty norms, who gets left behind when the pressure to age "naturally" leads the way?
Welcome to Mirror Mirror, a reader-funded newsletter by me, Stephanie Gamarra. I’m passionate about aesthetic and creative expression, psychology, culture, philosophy and human connection. Mirror Mirror is an exploration of the intersection of all of these things and more. Please consider subscribing for weekly content, essays and cultural commentary.
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Every year, I sparkle a little bit more; that was the caption to a photo I posted in my Instagram story last week that highlighted my incoming silver hairs. They hide behind the beige-blonde steaks I added to my unruly curls earlier this year. It wasn’t my intention to color my hair to distract from the increasingly gray sections around my temples, but it did serve that purpose.
As I make my way into my mid-thirties (when does that actually start by the way?) I am confronted by the changes in my body and face in the mirror every day. I can’t help but fixate on the asymmetry that seems more pronounced with every passing month. I’m reminded of it every time I try to match my eyeliner, and most recently, when I realized that my lips were no longer the same shape on both sides.
I’ve never been a particularly symmetrical person to begin with. As I’ve come into myself in the last five to ten years, I’ve taken pride in my identity as a unique beauty and found myself admiring people who had striking features and imperfections and found that so much of what made them alluring was the confidence with which they presented themselves. I’ve tried to embody that confidence, but the woman in the mirror with her droopy right eyelid and deepening lines around her mouth isn’t always so kind.
Instagram has taken notice of this fear and pushed dozens of face yoga and other anti-aging face exercises and programs at me. I’ve sometimes taken the bait, signing up for free trials only to fall off the routine within a few days. I contemplate the more straightforward options like Botox and fillers, but the voices of the holistic beauty babes drown out the desire (for now). I also associate these services with an unappealing and ubiquitous aesthetic among celebrities and influencers. The women I find beautiful and desire to be among are those with dewy bare skin, big awake eyes and an overall “natural” look. They may have imperfections, but cute ones like freckles, interesting scars, or moles. What they all have in common are certain markers of Eurocentric and long-standing beauty standards, starting with symmetry.
Jessica Delfino recently highlighted the newest obsession in the beauty forum – facial harmonizing – on her substack, The Review of Beauty. She references the golden ratio used by artists for centuries, and this fascinating feature on MSN News applies the ratio to celebrities known for their beauty. What I found most unnerving about this feature was that the two celebrities that least adhered to the ratio and, in fact, looked quite frankly terrifying when their features were adjusted to the ratio were Latina. It serves as an example that so many of the beauty standards we have come to understand and revere leave those of us with more “ethnic” features out of the beauty equation.
While the golden ratio seems to favor the Eurocentric beauty standards that have been beaten into our subconscious over hundreds of years, symmetry is a universal standard that has been a key measurement of beauty in humans and the natural world for as long as we’ve been studying it. So, no wonder it's becoming the new driver of invasive, non-invasive, and natural anti-aging measures.
The imbalance in the representation of beauty doesn’t stop at the face. The gray hair movement has been one of the loudest and most influential celebrations of aging that we’ve seen in recent years. Women have been cutting ties with their colorists and embracing the natural silver streaks. Search the hashtag #silversisters, and you’ll find a plethora of women who have embraced their natural color.
As a hairstylist and colorist, I have had many conversations with clients over the years about how to grow out their gray hair and the challenges that may come with it. The consideration that most people overlook is texture. Gray hair can be incredibly beautiful and sometimes even more flattering than the client’s former natural or artificial color, however for many people, especially those who have curly, thick or “ethnic” hair, will find that the change in texture that goes hand in hand with graying is often more difficult to accept than the color itself. It’s not unusual for those who chose to go gray find themselves spending more time and money to style and maintain their new silver tresses than ever before.
Karen Flood from The Vain Feminist, writes about her new routine on her substack, “…now I always blow dry my hair after washing it, and I also crimp it with a flat iron so it has some curls, something I never would have done a decade before. Contrary to many who talk about how much time not dyeing saves them, I now take more time tending to my hair than I did before. Looking natural can be a lot of work!”
While the gray revolution aims to foster acceptance, self-love and female empowerment, it also can leave some feeling tremendous pressure to invest both time and money into their vanity routine.
This is especially true for the women who have been fighting against social beauty norms for decades. It wasn’t that long ago that wearing your hair in its natural texture was considered to be unpresentable or unprofessional; just ask any woman of color over the age of 35. While embracing gray hair can be empowering for many, it can be a harsh reminder for some that they have to choose between one beauty standard and the other. While the gray revolution aims to foster acceptance, self-love and female empowerment, it also can leave some feeling tremendous pressure to invest both time and money into their vanity routine.
One of the most recognizable influencers in the gray game is @silverstrandsofglitter. Her selfies and hair tutorials took off in the grayfluencer scene a few years back, and she has remained relevant. There is no question of her beauty, and I would agree that her gray hair elevates her allure, but I couldn’t help but notice in her comparison photos the degree to which her overall aesthetic has changed. Take these side-by-side comparisons, for example.
In her 2020 photo, she looks fresh and natural, while in her more recent and more gray photo she looks like she’s put a lot of effort into achieving a certain beauty standard. I think she looks stunning in both, and I can only imagine the immense pressure someone with over 200k followers must feel to appeal to the masses, but it further emphasizes the point above. Graying naturally or choosing to defy one beauty norm often comes with a degree of pressure to seek out a “youthful” aesthetic in other ways.
For social media influencers like @silverstrandofglitter, their gray goddess image has become their full-time job, but for many women, the time it takes to uphold such an image isn’t within reach. As I examine these standards and their basis, I can’t help but think about their accessibility as well. Face Yoga apps recommend 15-20 minutes per day. Smoothing treatments to make the gray texture more manageable are often more expensive than coloring, and at-home versions take hours of commitment. Aging gracefully entails time-consuming movement and exercise routines for the body and face, costly vitamins and supplements, face massagers and tools run in the hundreds, and holistic beauty products are among the most expensive on the market. This is on top of the fact that the real core of well-aging is in our diet, which depends on our accessability to quality food.
And while botox, lip filler and other “minimally” invasive beauty procedures are equally costly, they are time-effective compared to the upkeep that a holistic beauty routine demands. It doesn’t surprise me that many women of lower socioeconomic status are more likely to invest in their self-image through these means.
As beauty norms continue to evolve, women of all generations are trying to either keep up or overcome their desire to adhere. Most of us are trying to find the balance. I firmly believe that our desire to seek and embody beauty and even youth is inherently human, and the rituals we perform in that pursuit serve purposes beyond vanity and are rooted in culture and community as much as they can be shallow. However, I will continue looking at the societal standards and their cultural influence with dubious eyes.
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